I Never Said Goodbye.
I never said goodbye.
6 years ago, on August 23, 2018, I published my last post. A round up of my favourite things I had discovered after living in New York for the summer. I was about to head into my Junior year of college. 2018 is a blur of some of the hardest chapters in my family story and of some exciting chapters of my own. When I published that post, it wasn’t supposed to be the end.
I never said goodbye.
Life moved on fast after 2018. New relationships and opportunities emerged, graduating college, moving cities, heartbreak, leaping into my career, new friends, many moves, new relationships, and new heartbreaks. At some point, I got an email to renew my website and I just didn’t do it.
Blogging was a nearly a two year season in my life. I was known for my blog, and was affectionately referrered to as “From-dot-com” at college (or at least I hope it was affectionately). It was a creative outlet, a place I got to write something that wasn’t an essay, where I got to collaborate with photographers, businesses, and it opened up so many conversations with people near and far. I loved it.
It ended like a slow fade, no goodbye.
But I also never said goodbye to the idea or to the dream. It was a chapter left in limbo - no punctuation to define the finality of it. It’s always been an open door for me, a “what if” and “maybe someday”.
Ironically, it’s another “open door” that has stopped me from turning someday into today. And that open door would be criticism.
Sharing anything online is terrifying, but it seems like with age, and career development it’s increasingly scary. Unfortunately the same door that opens you up to criticism, is the door that opens you up to living authentically. In the last 3 months or so, life has shifted in significant ways for me, and the risk of criticism no longer outweighs the risk of living inauthentically.
It’s been that realization that has me embracing that undefined ending 6 years ago as a new beginning. An open door is only useful if you’re brave enough to walk through it.
Today, I’m crossing the threshold.
This blog has always been, and I believe always will be, a place for me to share, write, and invite others to do the same. To share things that are interesting, relevant, and impactful to me and the stage of life I’m in. In college that had a lot to do with ethical fashion. This space will feel different, the topics I share on will be different, because I am different. There has been a substantial evolution in my life since 2018.
Evolution can come in many forms, but for me, it feels like it often comes with unexpected goodbyes. There have been some BIG goodbyes in my life recently. In fact, I’m saying goodbye to a 4 year long chapter at the beginning of October. The doors opening for me are new and a bit intimidating, but again, I must cross the threshold.
I know it’s a bit odd for a first blog post to be so centred around the word ‘goodbye,’ rather than ‘hello.’ But isn’t it true that new hello’s come after goodbyes?
Whether, you’re in a season of goodbyes or hellos, or a season of finding the courage to walk through the doors opening to you, I hope you’ll stick around. If you’re not sure if a story is done, or there’s a dream that feels incomplete, I hope you’ll one day find yourself glad that you never said goodbye.
I know I am.
So this isn’t hello. Not really anyways. It’s more of a “it’s great to see you again!”
I am glad you’re here….Welcome back to my digital diary.
With love,
From Rachel
